Confessions of a Policy Analyst

Belting out Whitney Houston:
a less-than perfect, but cherished moment

As an MPP, I've been trained to be meticulous, to be able to back up everything I say with credible evidence, to remain consistent, and to pour over the message dozens of times before letting it go public. This is great for making a good policy recommendation, but I find that trying to apply these concepts to my daily life is making me go insane. Maybe being an off-the-clock analyst isn't the essence of Danz: I mean, I impulsively spurt out a lot of bullshit. And I over exaggerate--and I swear to mother earth and all its living beings, it's genetic! I ramble during quiet time and am at a loss for words when I have the floor. I am not, by any means, consistent-- with my moods, my attention span, my interests, or my beliefs.

Maybe you've never noticed some of these things about me. But since I get to observe myself all the time, I've noticed. And since I moved to DC, and probably even before I moved, I have been forcefully trying to change these things about myself. But I'm starting to realize that the problem might not be the behavior but rather the attitude towards the behavior. I am hard on myself. And I am a perfectionist. Not the work-long-hours type of overachiever, and not the straight-A student type either. I want to be a perfect personality; one who never interrupts others, is always up for a party, approaches every situation with the utmost confidence, considerate always, knows what to say, knows what to do. I am not that person, but I think I've been to hard on myself for not becoming the perfect human model. Maybe I have too much heart to be that person. I should take pride in who I am and own up it: a klutzy, interrupting mistake-maker who loves her family and friends. Who sometimes doesn't know what to say, but gives good advice and isn't afraid to try new things. Who overanalyzes herself and easily finds the essence of others. A woman who screws up a lot but always finds a way to fix it. It's not the perfect model of humanity, but shit man, that's human.

I can't be an off-the-clock policy analyst. Public policy, with all its intricacies, is still far less complicated than the average human being. And even in policy analysis: while you always acknowledge your shortcomings, you still make a strong recommendation.