Dude, we pick strawberries and shit

Blogosphere news: Today's LA Observed post is a riot. Especially this complimentary advice offered to UK PM Tony Blair, who is visiting California today:

Tony, some things you should know, dude. There really is very little similarity between California and the UK.

1. Dude. Never, ever go more than a few sentences without saying this word, dude. Forget all the "Comrades, and I say to you" stuff. Dude is probably the most totally awesome thing you can say while you're here.

2. Awesome. Dude, this is a literally awesome word, invented in California by surfer dudes (alright!) to describe anything that is literally, like, awesome.

3. Like. Like is, like, the valley mantra. If you say the word like, like every few words, you are totally telling your listeners that you are from, like, the valley.

4. The valley. This is not the valley that you, prime minister dude, know from your awesome time with Nye and the dudes. This is an altogether much flatter, less green valley, a place where rivers die, strawberries grow and strip malls proliferate.

5. Mexicans. There's a lot of them in the valley, picking fruit and shit. Many of these Mexicans are from Mexico, some are from other places that, dude, without being heavy, may as well be Mexico. Awesome.

6. The governor. Don't call him Arnie. That's way too British. In California he is known as Arnold, or The Arnold. And the addition of a comic Austrian accent always brings laughs from a sophisticated audience. Mimic his pronunciation of Kahl-ee-faw-nyah - a surefire vote winner. But remember, Arnold was once in the movies. This makes him far more important than any politician.

7. The mayor. Well, the mayors. California boasts two mayors with a national profile: Gavin Newsom in San Francisco and Antonio Villaraigosa in Los Angeles. Newsom is not the sort of politician a good Catholic like you should spend too much time on. His outspoken support for gay marriage and his bullish leadership of sin city mean that he will never meet the pope. Antonio is a different matter, the Latino Blair if you like (his first name means Tony in Spanish). Antonio has the Old Labour cred of a union past, the New Labour cred of sharp suits, a totally heavy Listerine habit and taught himself Spanish. Practise saying his name before meeting him. Or you can use the term favoured by Republican wags: Antonio Villareconquista.


I'm Diggity Deaf

Oh so very necessary for old gozoos like myself

Last night I went with friends to see Daara J and some other band I hadn't heard of at the Santa Monica Pier for free. Daara J was of course, fantastic, but the real surprise was when this Japanese American dude from Berkeley came out and busted out funky-hip-hop grooves that sounded like they came straight out of the Shattuck Down Low. Lyrics Born was a GREAT show people, it was non-stop, booty shakin' action all night long. The Asian East Bay version of Jurassic 5, if you will. I highly recommend this band. What I don't recommend is standing next to the speakers, or standing behind screechingly high-pitched women as LB's booming voice demands, "SANTA MONIIIICCCCCAAAAA!!!!! Let me hear you make some NOOOOIIIIIISSSSEEEEEE!!!!!!" Ear plugs, my friends, ear plugs.



...is what happens when you drag me to a Persian-Jewish synagogue full of Beverly Koon-Boosers:

I call it:

Here, I am Alien by Dani California
Material: medium star confetti and small star confetti on tablecloth

Some may say it was inspired by sheer boredom. I say it was a cry to my future husband (who of course, attends Nessah regularly in search of the *other* person in the room who hates being there as much as he does): "ahoy future husband! Here I am, notice me! Love me! Make beautiful children with me! See how creative I am with confetti? Imagine how creative I can be in the boudoir...rrrrrrrrr!"

Unfortunately for the betterment of society, some people don't see this piece the way I do. Here, I am Alien was demolished and desecrated by Nessah's art-hating cleaning crew. I ask you: IS NOTHING SACRED?!?!?
Harumph. Some poeple are so uncultured.

What do we want? JUSTICE!! When do we want it? NOW!!!!

I'm not ready to get political in this blog yet, and certainly not Middle-East political, especially given the currently heavy circumstances in Israel. Suffice it to say that my opinions on Israel are passionate, complicated, and sometimes surprising. For now, I just want to post this most fascinating picture of my mama with her sign of protest. This is as close to hippydom she gets people. Savor the moment!
Ahhh yes. Democracy at work.

Israeli Pick-Up Line of the Week

(only works if someone is wearing glasses)
אהבתי את המשקפיים אבל אתה עיוור אם אתה לא רואה שאנחנו מתאימים
I like your glasses but you are blind if you can't see we are right for each other!

A Yassi Story

Just look at my adorable little bubele...

Everyone says this about their kid, but Yasmine, my 4-year old cousin, is the smartest kid on this earth. Apparently she is also the most business savvy. This story is a clip from Melody's birthday party last year:
Cinderella was the main act.
[Yassi to Cinderella]: Will you come to MY birthday party?
[Cinderella]: sure, if your mommy invites me...
[Yassi]: what's you're phone number? My mom's name is Rosita, CALL HER!
Twenty minutes later, I see Yassi with Cinderella's business card. How many 4-year olds do you know who can wheel-and-deal like this one?

Inauguration day: Ode to Cali

Yes folks, I am moving to DC, the land of "taxation without representation," but never fear! I will show those East-Coasters how it's done in the Wild Wild West. The town of Northern hospitality with Southern efficiency will never know what hit her! You can follow my adventures on this here blog, which I officially dedicate to my favorite May Moon Chi cousin.

And so, for our opening ceremony into bloggie land, I was going to bring you the king of the West himself, live from the afterlife....Mr. 2Pac Shakur in his famous rendition of California Love. But you can read about the "sunshine State with a bombass hemp beat" yourself here.

Then I discovered THIS! Did you know that we have a State song? OK, so it's a little cheesey and needs a creative touch (I mean, how many times can you say I love you in one song without sounding like a total sap??), but this will come in handy when we succeed from the Union...

I love You California

I love you, California, you're the greatest state of all I love you in the winter, summer, spring, and in the fall.I love your fertile valleys; your dear mountains I adore,I love your grand old ocean and I love her rugged shore.
I love your redwood forests - love your fields of yellow grain, I love your summer breezes, and I love your winter rain, I love you, land of flowers; land of honey, fruit and wine, I love you, California; you have won this heart of mine.
I love your old gray Missions - love your vineyards streteching far, I love you, California, with your Golden Gate ajar, I love your purple sunsets, love your skies of azure blue,I love you, California; I just can't help loving you.
I love you, Catalina - you are very dear to me,I love you, Tamalpais, and I love Yosemite, I love you, Land of Sunshine, half your beauties are untold, I loved you in my childhood, and I'll love you when I'm old.
When the snow crowned Golden SierrasKeep their watch o'er the valleys bloom. It is there I would be in our land by the sea,Ev'ry breeze bearing rich perfume, It is here nature gives of her rarest, It is Home Sweet Home to me.And I know when I die I shall breathe my last sigh
For my sunny California.